What We Keep In Our Hearts
by jls62113
Summary: Rick hasn't been sleeping, and Michonne will do what she can to help. This is a short fluff piece with a lot of practicality to it.


Rick lay awake facing the window. It had been a long day and Michonne was just coming up to go to bed herself. Looking over at him, she knew he was going to have another sleepless night to add to all the others. She went over to his side of the bed and sat down beside him.

"Everything okay?" He asked, rolling to his back.

She put her hand on his bare chest to keep him lying flat.

"I am, but I'm a little worried about you."

"Why?"

"On our way back from our run, you told me you haven't been sleeping. That concerns me and I've been meaning to talk to you about it."

"Don't let it concern you." He said looking away.

"How can I not let it concern me? We're in a war and the thicker it gets, there's no telling when we'll get some down time, and you've been running on empty for a good long while now."

He smiled at her sadly and rubbed her thigh with his hand.

"What do you suggest?"

"I was thinking that maybe what keeps you awake, can help you get some sleep."

He propped himself up on his elbow, and squinted at her.

"You told me that what happened to Glenn and Abraham weighed heavy on your mind, but you didn't really tell me how it made you feel."

He looked at her a long time before being able to speak.

"I felt like it should have been me instead of them. Knowing Maggie would be without Glenn and Sasha…"

"And me without you." Michonne added.

Rick instantly realized how futile feeling it should have been him was.

"We have lost many friends, some closer than others, and I watched you feel each one. You must separate the good memories of our friends from the horror done to them. We should only keep fond memories of them in us. I was the last person to be with Herschel before he died. I don't let myself dwell on how he died. I choose to remember what a treasure he was to us, and I miss him."

She looked down at their entwined fingers and choked back her tears.

"What are your fondest memories of Glenn and Abraham?"

She put a hand on his chest close to his face and moved her finger along the stubble on his chin. He inhaled and looked out the window.

"When you, Glenn and Rosita went off to find Daryl, Morgan and I went to find Carol. When I got back, all I wanted was to find you back home. Abraham noted my anxiety, and asked me if I was afraid to let someone get close again. I told him I was, and he said he was too. Then he said because of that, it made him ready to tear the world a brand-new asshole." Rick chuckled recalling things Abraham said. "That was exactly how I felt. As usual, he hit the nail right on the head."

Michonne lifted her chin and smiled as she watched the smile on his face.

"If you could say goodbye to him, what would you say?"

"I would thank him for trusting me enough to follow me. Every obstacle we faced, he was willing and able to follow my orders without question. Everything he did was for the good of the group."

"What about your memories of Glenn?"

"Glenn couldn't keep a secret to save his life." Rick smiled thinking about Glenn. "In the beginning, whatever he was feeling, you could see it on his face, and if he was asked to keep a secret that everyone needed to know, it showed on his face bursting to get out. He was my conscience. He never let me forget who I am, and what our family needs to be if we're going to survive. He was always thinking of everyone else before himself."

"He would want you to remember that, not what happened to him. If you had the chance to say goodbye to him, what would you say?"

"I would tell him that I loved him, and I would thank him for always being there with me no matter what, and I would tell him that I was sorry."

"I don't believe he would accept your apology, and you know that about him. He knew how tough being you can be."

"I never asked for this Michonne." He said with tears in his eyes.

"No, but it's who you are. I don't think any great leader asked to be the leader. It's something within you people recognize and gravitate to. Right here with you is where we belong, all of us. Glenn and Abraham knew this. They also knew there would always be the possibility of dangers beyond your ability to prevent or beat, and they followed you anyway because they knew you always strived to do the right thing. Neither one of them would want you to blame yourself for the actions of a madman, ever. Don't lessen their friendship and loyalty by focusing on things that were beyond your control."

He knew she was right. It was what he needed to hear. She looked at him as the tears ran down the sides of his face and into his hair, and his breathing quickened as he tried not to weep.

"It's okay Rick. It's time to let it go. Don't let Negan's madness occupy space in your heart where we love and miss our friends."

She touched his face with her hand and suddenly the dam broke, and he turned his face into his pillow and wept. All the pain and anguish she had seen in his eyes over the past year emptied out in great, heaping sobs. The sound of him weeping was enough to break her heart, but he had needed this for a long time. She sat near him and smoothed his hair back from his face.

After some time, and almost without her notice, he quieted down and the sobs subsided, and before she knew it, his breathing was steady and he was sleeping. With her fingers, she wiped tears away from her face. The peaceful look on his face was a clear indication a weight had been lifted. She stood finally, and bent down and kissed his temple.

"Sleep well sweetheart." She whispered.

She quietly left their room, and as she closed the door behind her, Carl was making his way up the stairs.

"Where's my dad?"

She placed a finger up to her lips, and walked toward him. She tugged on his shirt sleeve to get him going back down the stairs.

"He's sleeping." She spoke quietly.

"It's still early." Carl said looking at Michonne.

She inhaled and walked Carl over to the sofa.

"He hasn't been sleeping for a while. I think he'll be able to now."

Before dawn, Michonne woke up and smiled brightly watching Rick sprawled out on his back snoring peacefully. She dressed and went downstairs to read. The sound of footsteps down the hall then on the stairs made her look up from her book and lay it down flat on her lap. She turned her head toward the stairs and when she saw Rick she giggled lightly. Hearing her laughter when she saw him made him scratch his head. The hair on his head looked like a curly mop propped on top of his neck.

"You haven't had bed head in a while."

"What are you doing up?"

"What time is it?"

She moved her outstretched legs off the coffee table to let him pass in front of her. He sat down beside her and looked at his watch.

"It's six."

"I got up about four. I really couldn't sleep."

"Why?" He scoffed.

"Because I was thrilled that you could."

"Thanks to you." He said kissing her cheek.

"The way things are make us crazy enough, but some things we need to keep safe. Things that can't be taken from us…"

"Good memories." He said yawning.

"You were paying attention."

"To you, always."

He leaned his head on her shoulder and quietly nodded off. She lowered her head and saw his eyelashes fringing his closed eyelids. She shifted her shoulder and tugged on him to lay his head on her lap.

"This is better. Thank you." He said with his eyes still closed.

Minutes later he was softly snoring and she was smiling.


End file.
